her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
