And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
