I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
