Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I could make wine with my vomit
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
