i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
