WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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