So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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