i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
