his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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