Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
