My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You were trust falling into bushes
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize
