I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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