Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
