my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize