At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
