I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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