I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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