My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
