my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
