There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
