I'm sorry my penis didn't work
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Randomize
