how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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