pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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