he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Randomize
