Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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