Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
