mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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