I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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