I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
