You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize