It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
