YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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