You smell like a Billy Joel song
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
