I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
