brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
