I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
