New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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