i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I don't think brook has ever known best
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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