You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I just googled if crying burns calories
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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