she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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