I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize