So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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