my soul wont recognize me after tonight
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
