Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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