drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
