My brain says no but my pants say off.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
