he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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