i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
