I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
