I'm really into asian looking animals
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
