my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
