This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Can't talk, ducks in the car
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
