I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
