your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This girl is more easily done than said...
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
