I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I queefed so loud it echoed.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
