Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
