yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
