Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
