So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
