I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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