if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I'm getting married
To pizza
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
