need another drink. this is the easiest way
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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