why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Randomize