He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
