My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You're earring is so big in my mouth
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
