when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
