so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
