Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
My dick has a subreddit
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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