There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
