Where are you?
In a non slutty way
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
