U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
