Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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