Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
with your own penis?
Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You ruined the universe
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
