the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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