I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Randomize
