Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize