Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
