The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
