so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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