I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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