we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Sober January is a disaster.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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