2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
