I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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