Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize