I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
