Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
